ON BELIEVING IN YOURSELF FIRST

As I tossed my bag into the back of my car and slid into the driver’s seat, a wave of mediocrity passed over me. I wasn’t sure why, but I knew it was the wrong emotion to be feeling after what just happened.

I had just made a $5K sale with my photo business, and I should be shimmying around on cloud nine…. But I wasn’t.

I shoved my unknown feelings aside and called my husband to share the good news. Surely he would be thrilled for me, right? He would FOR SURE be fired up about my first huge sale.

But that’s not the response I got. He simply said, “great!”

Wait. What? Just “great”?

That’s what you say when you find out your spouse got 10% off the slacks you wanted.

That’s what you say when your kid tells you she likes tomatoes.

Where’s the fanfare? Where’s the enthusiasm for my kick-ass sale? Where is my “holy-crap-you-had-a-big-sale” parade?!

When I got home, I immediately grilled him on his reaction…
(and by “immediately” I mean I waited about five years).

I know, I know. You’re wondering why on earth I’d wait for YEARS before asking him why he didn’t roll out the red carpet for my sale. The answer is simple. I assumed the problem was with me (just like so many of us do.)

I rationalized if one big sale was “great,” it would take me a few more to get to “fantastic!!!

So over the next several years, I set my goal to sell more - because sweet baby Jesus I was going to get my parade and prove him wrong in the process. (I’ve mentioned I’m crazy determined, haven’t I?)

The sales came, but the fanfare didn’t. And at some point, I stopped counting on him for support. I assumed he thought of my business as a hobby and didn’t believe in me. Which was true, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.

Before I was a family photographer, I dabbled in several small businesses, desperately trying to find my thing. I explored making custom yoga mats, hand-painted baby onesies, and I even tried creating a product for the non-breastfeeding on-the-go moms. Nothing quite fit.

When one thing failed, I found the next one. Ultimately I wound up owning a successful family photography business that fed my creative soul, my logical brain, and my bank account. But, in the early years, I felt like a fraud. I told myself that it was because I wasn’t making enough money, or my camera wasn’t the newest, or… the list goes on.

In hindsight, I had conditioned my husband to wait for my next thing (or my next hobby).

Not long ago, when I shifted gear yet once again and told my plans to dial down my photography so I can focus on helping moms access their dreams and goals, I got the answer to my question of “why doesn’t my husband support me?”

With my new business idea, he was genuinely excited for me.

As we stood in the kitchen, both beaming at my new insight I asked him why he never shared my excitement before.

He told me he always supported me, but didn’t think I was truly excited about my past businesses. And I was so clearly passionate about helping moms feel confident and content, he couldn’t help but openly support me.

When I came to him with excitement, passion, and a plan, he understood.

We’re always growing and learning. In this case, I learned what he needed from me, and after some self-discovery, why his support was so important.

Turns out, deep down I didn’t believe in myself and believed his approval would offset my fears.

Now I make an effort not to hide my excitement or my worries. Because as it turns out, the more you talk about both, the more support you get… from your spouse and yourself.

If you want your partner’s support, stop treating your business (no matter how small or part-time) as a hobby. You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will believe in you.

P.S. Does this post resonate with you? Share it! There are other moms feeling the need for more support, too.