How To Scroll Instagram Without Feeling Like A Failure
ON BEING AUTHENTIC IN A PINTEREST PERFECT WORLD
We all know social media messes with our well-being. Looking for proof? No problem. There are roughly 281 MILLION articles you can scour online (honestly, that’s what google returned!).
But we don’t need an article to tell you that the culture of comparison is depressing because we’ve all scrolled someone's Insta feed and thought any or all of the following: My house is shit. My family is out of control. My life is boring.
We’ve all felt shame or embarrassment at the hands of social media, and if we don’t take measures to fix how we interact with the internet, we’re not only hurting ourselves, but we’re hurting other moms AND setting our kids up to fail, too.
Ages ago, when I first began photographing families, I started out photographing what I loved: the wild, imperfect world of families with young children. Then I discovered photography forums.
I would spend hours and hours comparing my work to other photographers, and slowly, so very slowly, my style morphed into theirs. I stopped loving the unpredictable and became overly concerned with controlling the outcome of my photos.
For three years, I traveled someone else’s path; I was uninspired and unfulfilled. Thankfully, I found my bearing and course-corrected. But I wouldn’t go back and change how I handled myself. This life lesson helps me stay grounded when I find myself questioning what I’m doing or if I’m a good parent.
So, how can you avoid feeling ashamed or less than?
Focus on two things: find your authentic life and share it. It’s that simple.
HOW TO FIND YOUR AUTHENTIC LIFE, SELF, AND VOICE
—1. The authenticity notebook
Grab a notebook, and record all the ways you edit your self-expression for three days (at a minimum). From conversations with your husband to social shares to interactions with your neighbors, there are a million ways we adjust to accommodate someone else.
Write down the when, what, and how.
When did you stop yourself from saying what you really wanted to?
What did you wind up saying instead?
How does the self-edit make you feel?
Ash Ambirge gave me the idea for tracking how we edit ourselves in a copywriting course I took a million and a half years ago. And today, I often use it as a first step in mentoring because it’s a speedy way to cut to the “who the hell am I anyway?” chase.
HOW TO SHOW THE WORLD YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF AND AVOID OVEREXPOSING YOURSELF
—2. Add variety to your shares.
Check your posts - does your personal feed look like a polished highlight reel? Yes? Then it’s time to mix in some reality… share some lows along with those highs.
I'm a massive proponent of seeking out the magic, so searching your days for what brings you joy is absolutely what we should be doing. The trouble arises when we believe the sum of these highs equals our happiness.
It might sound scary to “keep it real” on social, but posting the lows of your life doesn't have to come across as negative. The trick is to show how you’re okay with what you’re posting. Avoid complaining and focus instead on finding the bright side or some humor.
☞ That said, I plead with you not to post photos of your kids without asking them first. Often, we post a photo that we find funny but winds up hurting their feelings. We have enough trouble raising compassionate, confident kids without inadvertent public shaming.
And don't worry about what the masses will think. Just like your mom told you in middle school, your true friends won't judge.
That's it.
Show us your home isn't all that different than ours. That you make parenting mistakes like the rest of us. Because each time you show us your authentic life, you help us feel more comfortable showing you ours. And that, my friend, is called breaking the cycle.
As a protective measure, be careful of the well-curated accounts you follow. You’re essentially letting these people into your living room with their ideals. Protect your digital (and brain) space and limit the number of glossy “influencer” posts that show up in your feed. Follow more accounts you feel a connection with.
We’ve seen a dramatic rise in unrealistic expectations for the last decade or so. And it’s this unspoken drive for perfection that has been quietly conditioning us moms to find our parenting, children, and homes to be “less than.” But it doesn’t have to continue.
You can help change how social media affects us by simply showing us who you are and sharing how you feel.
Keeping our sanity while scrolling is a balancing act. I remind myself regularly that perfect is boring, and our edges make us interesting.
P.S. Interested in learning more about photographing your beauty in the madness? Grab a free Mindful Photography course when you sign up for monthly emails. ♡
