Invisible Labor - Let's Solve The Problem

IT’S NOT ONLY YOUR TIME AT STAKE

If there is one book I wish all couples were required to read, it would be The Fair Play Method by Eve Rodsky.

I read (okay, listened to) the book a few years ago, and everything suddenly clicked.

The growing frustration and, let’s face it, resentment toward my family began to make sense — our household was out of balance. I was doing the bulk of the work on all levels… emotional, mental, and physical (I’m sure this sounds familiar).

But it wasn't just making endless dinners or being the default parent. It was how quickly and quietly I eased into my primary caregiver and household manager role.

And it wasn't just me. My husband gave tacit consent, too.

After reading Fair Play, I saw more clearly how things could be more balanced and less stressful for everyone.

We needed a change, and now we had a path.

Earlier this summer, I got the companion cards to the book, and after a couple of Saturday morning coffee shop dates to review them, we had a solution to our stress and frustration.

Here's how we tackled the project:

1️⃣ Divide the cards into daily/weekly jobs (dishes, meals...) and larger projects (home maintenance, holiday planning...)

​2️⃣ First, divide up the daily and weekly jobs in a way that works for us (he has more time on the weekends, and I work from home).

​3️⃣ We then broke down all of the steps for each task (dinner = planning, shopping, cooking and clean up).

​4️⃣ Next, and here's the brilliant part: we put it into a spreadsheet to have a Standard Operating Procedure of sorts. All the information is listed here so the person who owns the job, top-down, has the necessary information.

​5️⃣Last, we meet up once a month (or so) and check in on how it's going and rotate the least fun jobs if possible (this is where the spreadsheet comes in handy! No one gets to say, "But I don't know how")

🌷Bonus step: If you have tweens or teens, you can assign tasks to them. In fact, it would be eye-opening if they saw ALL of the work that goes into running a home.

Wait, I forgot to tell you the best part...

I swear the day after reworking the household duties, I had a major shift. Knowing we all had our responsibilities eased my stress, and I stopped feeling like everything was on me.

What's more, I found I was much more willing to do extra work because I knew it was helping someone out, and even if I didn't do it, it would still get done.

And yesterday I was reminded of my shift when I walked the dog's empty water bowl and thought,"I'll fill this up and help my husband out,"instead of feeling resentful and thinking, "Why doesn't anyone else ever fill this up??"

I much prefer the way things are today.

As always, I'm here if you've got questions, but I'd also love to know if you've read the book or have tried redistributing the workload.

👉 P.S. Check out Zach Watson on IG - he has great content, and his video about The Fair Play Method is 👌