Save Your Sanity While You Shelter In Place

STRATEGIES LISTED HERE WERE WRITTEN DURING THE EARLY DAYS OF THE PANDEMIC, but they are valuable tools for working from home while parenting, so if you’re looking to lower your stress, keep reading.

Day 13 of Shelter in Place and I’ve had four tearful breakdowns and apparently have taken to swearing around my kids. While a lot of parents seem to be quite good with isolation, I am not. I like my community, friends, and alone time. Not to mention the difficulty many of us are having watching the rest of the family struggle with uncertainty.

Before California’s mandatory Shelter In Place order, our family had a really nice rhythm going and at the core of it was my sense of self. I felt balanced and good. The one thing that always helps me stay grounded is a solid routine. Morning, noon, and night.

I’ve spent the majority of my life figuring out what I need to feel content. I know what brings me joy, eases my anxiety, and balances my mind. But when four of us are forced to be under one roof with zero mental preparation, I put everyone else's needs before mine. I no longer meditated, took solitude, worked, or relaxed. I was a modern version of a scullery maid and that was absolutely not going to work.

My top ten stress-reduction tips for busy moms during shelter in place:

1) Put everyone on a schedule: and post it. The pressure is eased when everyone knows the game plan. See my other article about temporarily homeschooling kids during shelter place. Know what to do and when.

2) Set expectations: for yourself and them. This is one of the easiest ways to reduce stress. Your schedule sets boundaries and your expectations keep our emotions in check. We're already living in uncertainty, so let's get clear on expectations.

3) Zone the house: for work, school, relaxation, etc... when you're all under one roof, it's critical to have boundaries. If you don't have a large enough home to zone by room, you can zone by time of day. For me, the dining room is my office during the day, but come 4 pm it's back to being a family room. This is another way to set boundaries. In X room we do Y at Z time.

4) Review your schedule nightly: make sure it’s on target and adjust if needed. Ask yourself what worked today, what didn't, and how can you make tomorrow even better. 

5) Schedule downtime/alone time: walk the dog, plop down with a book, take a nap, or watch a show that YOU want to watch. Find time to be alone so you can recharge and regroup. Don't forget to Facetime or Zoom with a friend. SEE them.

6) Move every day: be it kettlebells or walking, movement is key to reducing stress. Bonus: studies show exercise can improve your immune system. (See below for home workout ideas)

7) Practice mindfulness: meditate, pray or reflect. No more excuses. We have the time. (See below for mindfulness ideas)

8) Practice joyfulness: from surrounding yourself with things you love (candles, tea, favorite sweatshirts) to doing things that make you happy (walks, naps, phone calls with friends), it’s the little things that matter. And it’s the little things that will help you cope with the bigger ones (breakdowns, partner stress, family squabbles). Now is an excellent time to read about incremental happiness.

9) Document this time: we are living through an extraordinary time and photographing it will be akin to Dorothea Lange’s photos of the Depression. Moving, telling, and at their heart, honest. If you’re not into photography, try keeping a personal or family journal. Check in with yourself and your family daily and make notes.

10) Be there for your community: while we may be called upon to isolate, we’re doing it together. Helping others has been scientifically shown to boost happiness, health, and sense of well-being. (See below)  

Shelter in Place Resources:

Excercise:

① Kettlebells are my favorite home workout tip.
They’re affordable, compact, and can work the whole body. I like Rep Fitness kettlebells because they are smooth and easy to grip. You don’t need a bunch of them. Two will do it. A light one for single-arm movements and a heavier one for both. If you’re new to kettlebells, Youtube is your new BFF.

② Small, standing elliptical.
I bought this three years ago and it is magical. For under $100, it’s brilliant. It makes a little noise sometimes, but so far so good. It’s my excuse to watch mindless TV. I shared this with my email group and I continue to get positive feedback from several who purchased one.

③ Bands are another compact home or travel workout gear.
SPRI brand is used in a lot of gyms, so I was confident in their quilty. The braided bands are supposed to be more durable, but the smooth bands will do the trick.

④ Sandbags are brilliant for at-home workouts.
They’re compact, affordable and you can do a variety of movements (squats, deadlifts, shoulder press, etc…). I have Rep Fitness medium sandbag because you need a quality bag if you’re filling it with sand.

With the gyms closed, I had to improvise. Today I have a fully functioning garage gym, but this is how I started.

Mindfulness:

① Meditation.
I’ve been using Headspace for the last three months and I’m really impressed with the simplicity and wide offerings. You’ll find a vast array of meditations and several mindfulness tips. Right now they have free meditations to help manage anxiety around covid-19.

② Ichigo Ichie is a delightful, petite read.
Initially, I found the book to be in alignment with my photography (finding the magic in the mayhem) and wondered how much it could possibly offer me since I already understood the importance of appreciating the little things, but I was wrong.

The book has taught me more ways to enjoy and value where we are today, at this moment. It’s the perfect book to read during times of isolation. I chose Ichigo Ichie to guide over 190+ students through a mindful photography class and the feedback was fantastic. People love this book!

Easy ways to show up for your community:

① Buy gift cards or pay in advance.
We have a house cleaner twice a month who relies on our business to pay her rent. Rather than cancel her outright, I paid her in advance for work she can do later. Anytime you can buy a gift card or pay in advance, please do. It can literally make the difference in whether or not someone can feed their family or stay in business.

② Write letters to elderly people who are shut in lockdown. I cannot imagine being isolated in a small room with very little contact with the outside world. So I’m asking my entire family to send cards and letters to our elders know someone is thinking about them.

For more ideas, check out this post from Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls site. 

③ Last, be patient with yourself and your loved ones.
There are no rules for managing what we’re going through, but there are lessons to be learned and connections to be made.

Much love, my isolated friends.

P.S. Walks are free, so make sure you're getting out there to get some air. Both as a family and solo. An excellent way to reset! 

*some recommendations are affiliates and ALL are things I love and use. If I change my mind about something, I'll update the link.