What exactly is the EMOTIONAL load for moms?

ANOTHER LAYER TO THE HEAVY LOAD MOTHTERS BEAR.

Have you learned about mental load yet? Many of us have, but not many of us are aware of the emotional load (I've only recently learned about it).

EMOTIONAL LOAD (or labor) is essentially the same type of thinking—instead, you're managing everyone else's feelings.

Here's an example:

The other day, my husband walked into the kitchen with a cloud hanging over him. I knew something was up, so instead of letting him process his feelings and manage them, I managed them for him.

I asked if he was okay, and when he said fine, I could have left it, but no. Instead (and here's the problem), I continued asking him a series of questions to understand his feelings.

When we do this, we take on the processing and management of someone else's feelings, and that burden adds up over time.

According to my therapist, moms tend to take on the emotional load for everyone in the house (and often for our parents).

Without realizing it, we regularly anticipate the emotions of the people around us. It can be young kids, teenagers, your spouse, and your parents/in-laws.

We intervene with the hope of either defusing the situation or getting rid of it altogether.

We tend to be the peacekeepers or the ones holding the family together.

Yes, there is a natural level of emotional load for all relationships, but when you find yourself in the position of regularly anticipating and intervening, it's time to take a closer look.

This is a new concept to me, and I don't have the answers on how to fix it, but I found an article that might help HERE (they blend the terms mental management and emotional load, but it's still helpful).

I'm working on getting really good at identifying when I want to jump in to save the day. And once I see it, I can try to hold my tongue and let things unfold naturally.

It's hard. I'm a worrier and a protector. I want to do all I can to make others feel safe and okay.
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The question I'm faced with, and the question I want you to ask yourself, is, at what cost?

If you have experience releasing emotional labor, I would LOVE your thoughts or advice.

We're learning. We're growing. It's a process for sure.

🥰 🥰 🥰

P.S. Taking on the emotional load doesn't help our kids/partners either. In the end, they need to know how to manage their feelings and express themselves. If we are always jumping in to interpret or deflect, they only learn that someone else will do the work for them.

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👉 I'm not talking about helping toddlers or teens understand their feelings—that's 100% needed because if they can do it when they're young, it'll be easier to do it as an adult.

🌟 ​LEARN MORE about invisible labor, mental load, and emotional load with The Fair Play Method book — absolutely changed how we divide up the domestic labor in our home.🌟